Things just didnt turn out like wad i expected. Thought after joinning strings le my sight rate can get better and that i can go back to PA, nt feeling i'm a nobody. But well, today went back, kana scolded wif ppl looking at why i cant play. WA! Cant take it. Conductor scolded me also lol, next practice wana hear me play the most difficult piece out. That's the dai jia i have to pay for joinning payco. It's never that easy to stay in the orchestra esp for some1 like me hAha. And because i cant play mon have to go back practise lol, hope everything will turn out well. I wish i could somehow shine a little bit too. Sigh. Went back for the first time den kana so many scoldings. Worse thing is when president told me: "See! Small kids(pri sch kids) like them also practise until so much better than u liao." den another girl say:" pls don say till we're nt as good as him, we're always better." LOL. WA LORD i'm so disappointed now la. Sian diao. Sigh. Hope everything will go on well from tml. Cello cello cello!!! Gives me so many troubLES! HA.

Before going to church, had my breakfast n there goes the illness again. Face swell. I feel so burdened, it's like i'm carrying a time bomb which may just triggered anytime. Dono when it will swell again and i wonder wad will i do if same thing occur when school reopen. Really worried bout this. Went to see doctor but the doctor wasnt able to give me a firmed ans and he just merely gave me the medicine for swelling. He wasnt able to tell wad really is the prob but just said it may be a blockage inside. He asked me to drink more water but after so long le, this illness just comes back again. Wana go see other doctor again but there goes my mum, saying it's useless etc. How long do i have to stand this illness. Sigh. Somemore recently, i kept feeling like hmm suan suan de gan jue on the part that swell. Hope everything will end soon.

Woke up early in the morning to reach church by 8.30am. Waited for the other 2 performer w/o knowing the choir is actually already inside the music room. I think until now the xu mu si niang still dono i was early ba. Haha. Felt so weird? Was punctual but because i stayed at the main hall waiting so no1 knows i was there. Lol. Well this time round is the only performance whereby we didnt have any rehearsal or combined practice and i just perform straight on the stage. Thank God everything went off smoothly :)
While waiting for the other 2, i saw one of my senior who's also call jie ying. Haha. SO surprised to see my ex schoolmate in the same service as i. Feel so happy. Supposingly there's another ex schoolmate in this church but he's at the english service. Today den i know she actually came a few times for the service le. Hope she will stay in this church :)

Ytd went downtown wif norman to take a look at crumpler bags but i cant decide on the colour i want so i didnt buy. Hmm i had a good chat wif norman hAha. Anyway christmas's just around the corner le. Haha. My favourite festival! :) Well hope santa gives me wad i wan hAha.

Last week while chatting wif the "Pentagon of Trust", some were saying I can think so positively. Well regarding this i really dono wad to say. If I don do this, i guess i would have gone crazy by now. Too many things kept inside my mind. Haha. Tml de camp is already a burden to me le. To go or not? To think that I dono majority of the orchestra members and that this camp they will be focusing on the practice for the upcoming concert in esplanade, i really dono if it's ok if i don go. Performing in the esplanade is a really good opportunity for me, it could be just once in a life time. I'm really troubled with this. The concert will be held near to my final year exam. GOD HELP ME!!!! ARHX!!!

Went to see my church member for the last day. Felt like i should reach out to her daughter. Wonder if i'm too kapo or wad. Feel sad for her. Well, i pray tht god will bless her n grant her strength n wisdom in wadeva she do. Just feel like reaching out to ppl in need, of course that would be if i'm in the mood, away from schoolwork stress etc and tht i'm free. Well well, recently i just feel tht some ppl in my church is mentally n spiritually weak nw. Hmm. Sigh. Hope all this will end soon.
Well well had a good chat wif william till 11pm ++, well feel better wif ppl knowing hw i feel. And after hearing some of our church members going to study medical courses after NS from william, i felt like i'm motivated to study hard to do my best n get into NTU or NUS and get into a good course also. Hmm tml have to go school again n chiong project den afternoon got violin practice again. Whole day packed liao. Still deciding if i should go for music camp this fri. Sigh sigh!! Somehow, i just feel happy to be in BPMC.

Typed a whole chunk of words and explorer just suddenly hang n have to re type nw. Lol. Well bAck fR0m aLpHa cAmP lE. G0t to kN0w s0 mAnY cHuRch mEmBers aNd g0t s0 mUcH cl0sEr to tHem dUrIng tHe cAmP. EvEn thOse wH0m i sEld0m tAlKed to dE, cHaRmaIne, aPpr0aChEd mE n aSkEd mE t0 "t0Ng xIaO" wItH tHeM dUriNg tHe lAst dAy 0f cAmP. I cAn rEally fEel thE b0nD tHeRe lE. ReAlly lUv tHiS aS it gAvE me l0tS of cHaNCe t0 inTeRacT wiTh my cHuRcH mEmBers eSp "Winter" hAha. ThIs cAmP iS rEallY bEnEfIcIal aNd i eNj0Yed bEiNg iN tHiS cAmp. My gRp mEmBErs wEre rEally fUn n fRiEndLy t00. But wEll, i'm liKe a littLe sIck n0w, lUcKilY i'm bAcK h0Me n0w to rEjUvEnAte mY hEaLtH hAha. Well i gUess tHr0uGh tHis cAmP, i fInAllY knoW wHeRe i bEl0Ng hAha. N0w bAck fRom cAmp mEaNs pR0jEct agAin. StResS sUre c0Mes n g0 dE sIa. ReAlly tIrEd n0w, gUesS i jUst hAve t0 g0 rEst le bA.

Seems like i going crazy soon. Already so stressed up with my proj and test le now come a new prob. Face turned swollen all of a sudden again and had to skipped BF lecture n Bizca test. I was so worried and scared, dono hw to face ppl wif tht swollen face. My mum didnt wan me to go see the doctor cause she it must be last time when i was biten by something n the poison is still inside. But cause i didnt go n see the doctor, while going school today, i was dam worried it will swell again. Due to me missing the test, that PCB wan me to skip my BF tutorial class tml just to take the test n my BF lecturer say if i were to skip i wont be able to catch up cause he will be revising wif us wad will come out on mon. I dono wad to do, been calling PCB from ytd but he's never sitting in his office wonder wad's his extension no. for. He demand an MC from me n here i m w/o any mc. Sigh. Dam troubled. Memorise the ITL already memorise like hell liao now come this prob again. My BF is my weakest module how can i skip the lesson wif such reason sia.
Just hope some1 out there will tell me, "i understand how u feel" aww how sweet can it be. WIf some more sweet sweet words HahA! Think too much liao.

Skipped lessons today and stayed at home to study. It was indeed a wise choice. Haha.. Feel more relieved after studying ITL and think i may have time to go gym wif andy later but the thought of business finance makes me sick. As long as i think of BF, i feel worried n down again. Dono y, maybe it's because it's the only module wif no tips, no hints and somemore nth to revise on except the textbook. Past year paper also no solutions den tutorial teacher only go through, didnt write down ans for me to refer again so i can say it's the worse thing i ever met wif. Really dono wad to do. Hope God will find me a solution soon so i will no longer be stress n worried bout it but happy. It's gonna be tough this 2 weeks wif so many project to finish n test to study. I hope my grp n i can finish our ITL project soon. Dragged too long already.

"God is always by side guiding u along ur path, he knows and understand hw u're feeling every moment and he is sharing ur burden also w/o u knowing" It's so nice to know this sentence. Sure will calm me down. Well recently dam stress with work, think of project liao den stress again n frustrated wif 1 of my teammate but when i talk to him on phone i feel normal again. Guess i'm too soft hearted. Sian. Too soft hearted nt good uh... Well well this week got 4 tests coming up n next week common test le, meaning i have to face business finance. It would be a really big challenge for me. May god guide me.